


A Memory Unsilenced

by tillthestarsevaporate



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Alteration, alex gets her memory back, before the end of the season, i would've been really mad otherwise, so glad the writers finally did it, the danvers sisters are the essence of the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 04:27:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18843628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillthestarsevaporate/pseuds/tillthestarsevaporate
Summary: This is my take on what goes through Alex's mind during episode 4x21 (Red Dawn) as she gradually remembers that Kara is Supergirl.





	A Memory Unsilenced

 

The first sign is the dream.

_Alex walks with Kara on the shoreline. A song by The Formats plays on her iPod, but she can’t for the life of her remember its name._ _Kara complains about having to go to college. Alex knew Kara didn’t want her to go, didn't she?_ _Why does this dream seem so unfamiliar and familiar at the same time? It feels like a memory that she couldn’t recall in her waking hours._

_Kara attempts to match the rhythm of the song, and Alex jokingly makes fun of her. Little by little, Kara catches on to the beat. Claps at the right time._

_They both clap, again, and again. There is a strange sensation in Alex’s ears, and suddenly, they’re falling off the cliff._

Alex stumbles out of the nightmare, heaving, her chest hurting.

She had been asleep on the sofa. The television is on. Kelly asks if she’s okay.

When had Kelly gotten here?

A weird dream or a memory, she hadn’t the slightest clue. But Kelly seems to think it had something to do with the adoption falling through.

“And stuff like that isn't just emotional. It can make physiological changes to your brain and to the connections that it makes.”

Logical. Makes sense. But something still doesn’t add up.

She remembers the same feeling from before, but not the exact cause. She was being questioned at the DEO. For what, though? She needs to get behind this, and the perfect starting point is Kara.

Her phone vibrates, then. Apparently, there is a security incident involving Ben Lockwood. Again.

Alex tells Kelly she needs to go, and a few minutes later she is on her way to the DEO.

 

##

 

The horrendous sight of Lena’s lab at the DEO fails to take Alex’s mind off the past couple of hours.

As Brainy and Lena lay upon her the circumstances under which the lab was destroyed and inform her of Lex’s plans, her mind keeps drifting to her and her sister falling off the cliff and stops at the same point as the dream.

Eventually, Brainy heads out and Lena almost follows him, only held back by Alex’s question as to whether she’s heard from Kara. Lena says that Kara had gone to warn the president, but that does not alleviate her concern. Something just feels off.

“Kara’s okay,” Lena says.

The sick feeling in Alex’s chest does not lessen.

 

##

 

Alex resumes her day’s tasks as director, signing document after document, checking room after room. Until one of them held a surprise: Supergirl.

She seems to know about Red Daughter, but who would have told her? Unless Supergirl is friends with Kara, she couldn’t have known.

The doubts cloud her mind as she’s summoned back to the present by Supergirl’s risky presence.

“You’re not supposed to be here. If the president finds out-“

And then the blow, the paralysing shock. The president is working for Lex Luthor.

The president was behaving like a manipulated jerk, taking everything about Lex so lightly. It shouldn’t have been a surprise at all.

Supergirl stares at her, talks fervently. She reminds her of Kara, and immediately she feels something like sympathy for Supergirl.

She couldn’t even begin to imagine having an evil doppelganger whose sole intent is to destroy the world.

"You need me, especially if we’re gonna have to fight another me in the process.”

Alex turns off the security cameras as a gesture of good faith. Something feels different about Supergirl, and she chooses to trust her gut feeling as she resigns to accept her help. She hopes she doesn’t regret it. 

She discreetly arranges for the equipment to be delivered to the room and waits in silence with Supergirl. Minutes later, Supergirl lies on the bed in front of  the sunlight lamps. For some reason, she seems to trust Alex despite all the disagreements they’ve had in the past.

She feels closer to Supergirl, wants to talk to her. To know how it feels to have powers like hers, know what it’s like to burn sunlight.

“Warm. Fuzzy. I feel it in my toes first,” Supergirl says.

Alex stares, trying to imagine the sensation. Snaps out of it as Supergirl asks if it’s working. No, it isn’t. She can’t picture what it would feel like. In a moment, she realises that’s not what Supergirl asked.

“I think so,” she tells her.

The door suddenly opens, Colonel Haley behind it. Mad, angry. But Alex doesn’t hesitate this time. She rushes to defend Supergirl without a second thought. When had she become so trusting? Her gut has been screwing with her since that dream earlier today.

After a suspiciously easy argument, the colonel agrees to help them. They triangulate the solar signal and find a location, which marks the return of the selfish part of Supergirl as she insists to go on her own.

“It’s too dangerous,” she says, completely disregarding Alex's combat and field training. Completely overlooking the fact that she’s the director and has been thoroughly prepared for such missions.

Supergirl speeds out, but that doesn’t stop Alex. Rushing to her motorcycle, she rides to the identified location. Of course, she gets there sometime after the flying, extremely fast Kryptonian, but it doesn’t matter. She gets there all the same.

As she climbs the stairs, the suspicion intensifies and she wonders why Supergirl insisted on doing this alone. What is she hiding?

The panic on Supergirl’s face when she enters the apartment is another proof that her theory might be right.

And then Supergirl calls her “Alex”, though she’d previously insisted she call her “Director Danvers”. For the first time, however, Alex doesn’t mind hearing her first name from Supergirl, misses it even, though she has no memory of its happening before. The mixed signals Supergirl has been sending inexplicably do not make her trust her any less. It’s almost like a gut feeling.

Supergirl asks her what she is doing there, as if the answer to that is anything other than “I told you, you’re not leaving me behind.”

After the initial haze and loss in her own thoughts, it jumps at her how similar this apartment is to Kara’s. The couch, the clothes, even the shawl discarded on the couch.

The panic sets in as she looks out the window and gets a clear, unblemished view of Kara’s loft. Her heart drops to her feet, her breathing stutters.

The oblivious Supergirl tells her that Kara is going to be all right, but how the hell could she know that? Not even _she_ is invincible.

It proves, however, that Kara does know Supergirl.

Alex’s chest tightens. “Unless you have a sister you don't understand this feeling.”

“I had one,” Supergirl whispers, and that stops Alex’s spiralling thoughts. She suddenly senses unexpected camaraderie, feels the need to share, to get those worries out in the open and relieve her mind from the burden.

She sits down on the bed. She tells Supergirl about Kara. Tells her how it always feels like a piece of her heart is out there and is just wandering around in the world on its own, and she can't protect it. 

Her breaths come ragged and her eyes tear up, mirroring the expression on Supergirl’s face.

She tells her how no matter what, there's always going to be danger. Danger that she can’t always protect Kara from.

Her voice breaks as she looks up, down, anywhere but at the woman sitting in front of her, puzzled at the strange sense of comfort and familiarity that has taken over her. But when Supergirl places a hand over hers, she finally gathers the courage to look her in the eye and is once again surprised at the warmth she reads in her expression. She now knows that Supergirl understands.

Perhaps she isn’t literally the Girl of Steel on the inside and the out.

A new memory floats in her subconscious.

_She’s crying after realising Maggie didn’t share her feelings. Kara, knocking on the door, Alex telling her to go away. Kara persisting, somehow gaining entry without opening the door, refusing to leave, holding her._

_I am so proud of you, Kara had said._

A phone rings, jolting her to the present. Her mother is calling, telling her Kara is in Midvale.

And then everything happens so fast. Alex telling Supergirl the news, Supergirl saying Eliza is in danger and fleeing in typical fashion, Alex only getting a minute to wonder what that meant and how Supergirl knows her mother before Eliza's disappearance on the other end of the line.

It starts off as remnants of the short-lived panic attack she almost had and ends as full-blown fear. Her training kicks in, her breathing consciously and slowly on its way to its normal rhythm. As quickly as she recovers, she is out of the apartment and on her motorcycle. Her decision to ride all the way to Midvale isn’t even a choice.

Her mother needs her, probably her sister as well, and she does not hesitate.

The motorcycle groans with every turn, the groans suddenly getting louder the moment the sky turns dark and purple, almost like the wheels have a mind of their own and are as terrified as her. They force her to stop at the sight of a fight in the woods that upon investigation is Supergirl on the verge of defeat by Red Daughter.

The atmosphere smells familiar as if she’s witnessed this exact fight before. It is probably just due to her being back home and her memories getting scrambled, isn't it? 

From afar, she sees Supergirl thrown by something that looks like lightning, and it’s like the electric shock jolts her memory.

_Alex and Kara on a camping trip in front of a fire, except Kara is using heat vision to cook the marshmallows._

Oh, she’s confused.

Supergirl concedes another punch. Alex’s chest constricts as if she’s the one being hit.

_She sees herself and Kara in front of a Christmas tree. They sit on the floor opening presents as Kara blows snow flurries into the air above them._

Another punch.

Alex’s unfinished memory from earlier comes full circle.

_They’re falling, falling, but the fear only lasts a moment as Kara carries her and flies._

_Flies._

_Up, up and away from danger._

“Kara!”

Shouldn’t she be calling Supergirl instead?

No longer. She finally remembers.

_Alex on the Ark and Supergirl on the other side trying to stop the ship from flying into outer space. Alex places a hand on the glass, Kara mirroring the move on the other side. Both in tears._

Alex cries for Kara, but it’s pointless.

_Kara blows a candle. Her Earth birthday. Alex missed it that year, but the two sisters make up like they always do._

It’s pointless because Red Daughter seems to have already defeated her twin.

_Alex is in the medical wing at the DEO, Kara in her Supergirl uniform planting a kiss to her temple._

“Kara!”

_The DEO. A giddy Alex tells Kara she has plans with Maggie and Kara encourages her to go spend time with her girlfriend._

The tears spring anew in Alex’s eyes, and she doesn’t bother hiding them.

_She’s on a plane that almost crashed. Outside the window flies Kara and saves the plane the day she became Supergirl. Alex is mad at her for exposing herself like this. Alex is proud of her for finally embracing her powers._

There’s no denying it. Kara is Supergirl.

_Here’s to the Danvers sisters_ _._

"Kara!"

_“Let me save you this time.” The day they erased Alex’s memory._

“Kara!” Alex runs to her, faster, as fast as she can go. She knows it’s useless, but still tries to stop her sister’s aggressor. Fails, and Red Daughter only has to deliver the last blow. But suddenly, she stops. Flies up. And Alex does not wait for things to clear before pushing her feet to take her to Kara. Her damn feet are barely cooperating, and her sister's bloodied face makes Alex see red. And blue. 

“You can’t go now. I remember everything!”

The tears flow, unbidden. As plentiful as her unconditional love for Kara.

“We’re here. We’re here together.” Kara lay unresponsive. “I know you better than anybody knows you.”

Alex reaches for Kara’s motionless, bruised hand and clasps it in hers. She squeezes, hoping that will trigger some kind of movement.

“And I know -”

Oh God, what if she’s dead?

Alex swallows. “And I know you don’t quit. You can’t go now, Kara! You can’t go!”

“Alex,” comes her mother’s croaky voice.

Alex places her ear over Kara’s chest, grasping for any sound of breathing, any shred of hope.

“It’s okay, mom. She’s… she’s okay. She’s gonna be fine!”

The hiccups hurt, the tears burn, and her tongue keeps betraying her. Her mind doesn’t give up. Not yet.

Grasping for the impossible is what she’s doing.

“It’s just dark, so there’s no sunlight. But there’s sunlight in everything. There’s sunlight in the grass.” Alex fumbles around and grabs a lump of grass and pushes it into her sister’s still hands.

“Take the grass! Please.”

It isn’t working. Nothing is working.

“Please don't leave me.”

Her sobs are now helpless pleads, her heart is outside her body and she’s unable to protect it.

She’s unable to protect Kara. 

“Alex, she’s doing it,” their mother says. Is that hope she hears in her voice? She doesn’t dare trust, but looks around nevertheless, feeling the gradual rise in wind speed.

Around them, she sees the yellow beams of sunlight gathering close, flowing through the grass, their target clearly Supergirl.

“She’s pulling sunlight.”

Alex can’t believe it. She can’t believe it. She can't believe it.

She pulls slightly away to witness a miracle.

The sun’s light attracted to Supergirl’s form. In the dark, no less.

She sees the toes move.

_I feel it in my toes first._

Then the knees.

Hope.

Hope.

Hope.

Then Kara gasps awake.

And with her, Alex’s heart returns to her and claims the body it’s responsible for once again.

“I'm here. I'm here.” Alex cries, and cries, and cries. Kara lives. She’s here.

The relief smothers the clouds of hopelessness.

“I've missed you so much,” Kara whispers, looking at her.

Oh, how stupid was she to never realise her sister is Supergirl? How could she have seen that look, that smile, those dimples, and not made the connection?

Alex still cries, but she’s happy. Her lungs are happy. Her breaths are ecstatic.

“I really missed you,” she says and falls apart crying in her sister’s arms.

This time, they’re tears of relief and tears of happiness.

Tears of hope.

And tears of a wish come true.

 


End file.
